SMELL YA LATER

1. if you want me to stay - sly & the family stone
2. i know there’s something going on - frida
3. heartbeats - the knife
4. automatic - the pointer sisters
5. reflections - the supremes

but mostly just no.1
on repeat.

carry on.

my friend joanna who works for ELLEgirl blinged me yesterday to let me know that i inspired her latest story.

smell ya later

hmmm fancy that i’m an inspiration.
for deodorant.
whatevz.
when’s the last time someone told you that you inspired them.
hmmm?
thats what i thought.
shut it.

netflix & i got back together when i broke up… er when i got rid of cable back in 2005.
i felt like it really improved my attention span to be forced to watch one thing instead of 250 channels at once, but furthermore i cannot fall asleep alone without watching tv.
insomnia & i go way back.

at any rate.
back to my movie reviews.

i have cable again & am contemplating breaking up with netflix.
again.
but i can’t you see.
i just can’t.

if only for the sheer fact that they’ve added this amazing feature called “the notebook” to the reviews section.
i’ve never seen all my reviews all together, and boy let me tell you….

siskel & egbert never had shit on me.

you should really join my netflix friends.
that way you can laugh at me for renting such cinematic classics like Britney Spears in “Crossroads.”
yeah i rented it.
what.

my last iPod was a 20gb non-color that i had replaced at the apple store 4x with the help of my homies who work there. wait at a genius bar? pfff eff your bar, i’m down with the geniuses. advance to front of the line give sad icon iPod & break out. no big deal. even had an offer to repair the 2nd generation 10gb pod for $50, god i loved that iPod. Back in 2001, when no one had one & people would stop me on the train & marvel at my gadgetry. (dork. i know. shut it) That bad boy STILL works, it just has a broken headphone jack. Like picture the days when you had a walkman or discman (if you were big time) & the headphone jack would crap out & you spent half your train ride maneuvering your headphone jack to be at just the right angle so you could listen to Biggie’s “juicy.” or Nas’s “represent.”

Okay, maybe that was me on the train from Astoria to downtown in 1996 but you get the picture.

So back to my 20gb non color 4th generation iPod, aka the first of the grey wheel. Not that crap one w. the buttons w. red lights above the wheel that is known mostly for its battery problem. That one that was first available to PC users.
“biggest mistake apple made was make them for PCs, ” i used to say when I complained about the continuous sad faced icon that would pop up on my 2nd pod of purchase. fucking PC users. (ahh yes i’m not only a dork, but a snot! MAC users usually are. dorky snotty computer geeks. no big deal.)

On a whim, I decided to buy an iPod for one of my best friends. Kind of like a we don’t buy eachother birthday presents or xmas presents anymore, and well fuck it all i do is work & i want to do this. Shit, I used to do stuff like this for boyfriends, so why wouldn’t I do this for a best friend? Exactly. I justified it, but mainly just was so excited to fill it with music for my non computer owning, non ipod using BFF.
What first was going to be a shuffle, became a Nano which for common sense sake became a 1gb to 2gb Nano. I mean if you’re going to do it, do it up. fuck it.

What happens the next day?

My iPod breaks.

Brilliant.

Of course it does!
Why?
Cuz god hates me.

So everyone’s like keep that one, blah blah blah. Nah dude, a 2gb? You’re kidding me.
20gb wasn’t enough for me a 2gb?? No way, i’m a just in case kind of person. If you ever need anything, a band aid, neosporin, travel sewing kit, dental floss, a slow jam playlist… chances are… i have it on my person, in my bag. I’m ridiculous like that. But hey at least i’m prepared. At the end of the world, you want me sitting by your side, trust me. I come prepared. Full kit steez.

Okay, so back to me & my pod, so ironically after i splurge on a pod for a homey, my shit is broken. I wouldn’t really care as I don’t really need it for the train, cuz I never take them anymore, and i don’t ride my bike & rock it cuz i’m scared to death I’ll get wrecked by a car, so it’s really all about my job. The day one. Store.

Fuck it, why not go big right?
Cop a 60gb video in gangster black steez.

Now here’s my dilemma.
It’s color.
ooooooh ahhhh in my mind.
Color! 21st century pod. Pod of the future.

I refuse to fill it with anything that doesn’t have album art.
I think it’s genius!
I can see the album art & the artist & song title.
(simple details really get me going)

So now my virgo rising has kicked into high overdrive.
I even dowloaded some “find the album art” software (hi, dork. remember)

Do you know how much effin’ music I have. Seriously. I’m in desparate need of an extrenal hard drive. Between my music & my porn.. jk jk… no really.

What’s the first album art i find & fix in my iTunes library?
Moz.
Then Smiths.
Then Tupac.

Then i fell asleep with my laptop on my tummy, which has happened before, and is horrible because i wake up all hot & my stomach is sweating & am most likely giving myself sometime of horrible radioactive cancer. Like sitting in front of a microwave, face 2 inches from the door.

Back to the pod.
All i’ve got on this bad boy is moz & pac. I mean thats fine & all, got a few playlists on there. One’s called “all i want is a soulmate” another’s called “i miss you nikki” another favorite would be “god hates me” and then there’s the “new jack swing” & “what you know about” gangster mixes.

Last nite I decided to download videos!
Why they don’t offer simpsons is really beyond fucking me.
There were some decent Aqua Teen episodes on there, but nothing that really grabbed me. Wondershowzen too, but i’m really picky. Copped a SNL skit from the 70’s called “Samurai Night Fever” w. my main man Bill.dot.Murray. Pretty good. I’m not so into him, but have been told I’d appreciate him, so i downloaded some Dane Cook Comedy Central joint. I don’t know where or when I think I’m going to sit w. my iPod & watch these but they were only $2 each so fuck it.

ahh sweet technology, how you rob me of my money & time.

no really there’s certain stuff i just absolutely loathe.

we’ll start w. a small list here, just off the top of my head.

1. snakes on a plane references.
shut the eff up about your snakes on a plane. i’m over it already. and no i didn’t see the movie. deal with it.

2. standing in line for little crap bars.
are you kidding me? what year is it? 1990-never. no. i was working the door when you were in the suburbs listening to blink 182.

3. williamsburg - it’s like fashion got stuck in 2004. minnetonka beaded leather slip ons? you can’t be serious. and newsflash, just cuz it’s vintage does not make it cute. and just cuz it’s in style, doesn’t mean it’s a good style for you. really. don’t you people own mirrors? or is it just look around & everyone looks the same so it must be okay to walk out of your house with that hideous patchwork leather long strapped purse clashing against your sound of music drape looking dress. ooh pair it w. knee socks how ironic. ugh.

4. these shoes:

5. people who talk loudly on their cell phones while shopping in my store-
listen i get off the phone when you walk in, you should do the same. i don’t care what an asshole your boyfriend is, or how much vodka you drank last nite. shut it!

6. speaking of shut it, that commercial for the Shannen Doherty break up show- the two girls talking loudly repeating ‘SHUT UP!!’ as an exclamation to what the other one says. you two can shut it too.

things i absolutely love:
1. toaster ovens & pop tarts
2. cable television
3. udon noodles combo from Cafe Duke on b’way
4. Iced venti Soy Lattes
5. that I smell like a cupcake.
6. fresh sheets