i miss frankenstein & tallulah.

i miss my bike. a lot.

i miss brunch at cafe mogador. on weekdays.

i miss my overpriced tiny apartment on allen street.

i miss this guy more than he knows.

i miss all my stuff. and might miss it more when i realize i sold/gave away/threw out most of it.

i miss sitting by this window smoking parliament lights. i do not miss the insane crackhead from the half way house next to my window that would wave to me. i think his name was speedy or some shit. ps. i miss tevez & chipotle runs with ponce too.

i miss that bathroom. even though people would call me from the thompson LES & tell me they could see me sitting at my window smoking. i miss that dumb pink vacuum i bought too.

i miss morrissey shows.

this was the farthest away i had ever been. but that was okay because it was carnegie hall. and it was still epic. (thanks krissy).

i miss babysitting cool young french photographer’s bebe’s in the bowery hotel.

i miss being able to hug or cry on this girl any time i wanted.

i miss throwing whatever goddamn kind of party i pleased at bars all over the city with my friends.

i miss this one being the diva.

i miss going to see rom-com’s with this guy.

i miss riding my bike home thru the LES after closing a bar and the light looking like this.

i miss micheladas, guac & chips, spicy grapefruit margaritas, and this neighborhood before it blew up & you couldn’t eat here whenever the fuck you wanted.

i miss laying in bed watching true hollywood stories of kate moss with this one.

i miss that trash can. and i miss always buying ONLY pink toilet paper to match this bathroom. i even miss my guy friends threatening to pee in my panda trashcan cos they thought it looked like the top might spin around if they did. assholes. i love yous.

i miss this view, even though at this point in time mexican construction workers used to watch me shower as they were building that dumb restaurant at the hotel. i  miss the plastic sheep that held my cotton balls on the window sill, and i miss my morrissey bobble head that didn’t really bob but that i could tilt to make him look clumsy & shy.

i miss roof top parties. i miss 1997 and drinking 40s, even tho it sucked when you had to pee.. this picture is not from 1997 but some of the people in it knew me from then.

i miss the guy who drew this on me every time i hear wolfsheim.

i miss me when i was really happy in new york.

24 days.

i will see you again new york. get ready for me to miss the shit outta you guys again.

i love you. xx

wyatt just recently celebrated his son’s first birthday & although i am still yet to meet this little guy, i know one things for sure, he is really lucky to have such an awesome dude like wyatt as a dad.

good looking family right here.

jeylan sent me the link to wyatt’s recent show that this picture was in…

and i couldn’t remember that nite, or why i was wearing sunglasses inside the fish, till she showed me this picture which hangs on her fridge

and then i remembered how awesome a friend wyatt was to me that nite, and how lucky i am to know him.

there are a lot of amazing photos, too many to put them all up here, but this one is my favourite. i have a small obsession with balloons if you haven’t noticed.

check out the rest of wyatt’s show Moments Like This Never Last.

happy father’s day to all the dads out there. i miss mine everyday. ♡

and this will never get old…

thank you to everyone who came out my very last nite in new york to say goodbye. love yous mean it. xo

photo by ari marcoupoulos

a new friend of mine who’s also recently relocated to the caribbean, lost a friend last week. we drank wine on my porch and talked about how hard it is to cope & grieve when you’re displaced from the friends and familiarity of places you know. i spoke of the day when i found out harold hunter died. and how devastated i was to give my best friend nikki the news since she had relocated to LA.  how i was even more devastated to be locked into a business trip the week of the funerals & memorials and that i had to miss them. all this digging up of memories, and subconsciously saying to myself please, for the love of god don’t let me lose someone while i’m 3,000 miles away.  

three days later, nikki texts me that dash was gone.

i met dash when i was working at liquid sky on lafayette street, back in ‘98-’99. he must’ve been about 17. he & nico GLACE had come into the then rave store just to take neoprint photobooth pictures. they posed in the dollar bill frame holding up graff mops & the plastic weed boxes that only hydro came in back in the day. i small talked with them, asking them what they wrote, and they gave me one of their photos for a little collage i had in my phonebook going. there was a hunter green “dash” tag on the grey wall between La Cucina (the rice & beans spot) & the chinese laundromat across the street from my store & i can’t recall if this was indeed his tag or not, i knew he wrote sace but everytime i looked at it i thought of him. years later growing up in the LES & East Village, running into dash was always a welcome surprise. such a sincere, sweetheart of a young boy. you could see the light shine from his eyes when he’d see you & give you a hug. i have another memory of him, years later, maybe around 2004, drinking beers on someone’s roof on ludlow, and how he put “honky tonk women” on repeat and told me of his love for the rolling stones. 

in the final weeks before i moved out of my apartment in the LES, i was leaving the Box & heading home to Allen crossing through “Houston Park” in front of 205. i saw this long haired sinewy looking guy pushing a baby carriage with a sweet looking girl walking next to him. it was about 4am and i thought to myself, wow now this family looks like old new york. as i walked closer, i saw it was dash. and he smiled & waved as he rolled his child by me. and it made me smile to see him look so good, so healthy, so happy.

few days later i was packing up my rather large collection of photos and books and magazines, and came across the new york magazine cover story on dash, ryan mcginley, and dan colen.  in midst of tossing what wasn’t really important to keep, i put this issue in the keep pile & packed it along all my other mementos. ‘cos i said to myself some day this kid is really going to be something big. he’s going to do big things. i know it. he’s too special not to.

and now he’s gone.  and i couldn’t be sadder to be so far away from so many amazing people in ny going through the exact same emotions i’m going through. i just want to wrap my arms around you new york & hug you extra tight for the loss that is being felt right now. 

rest in peace dash snow. you will be missed. xo

tiny vices retrospective of dash

ryan mcginley’s memories of dash

side bar this above was my first address when I moved to NY on August 21st, 1995. i still have the same 7 digit phone number to this day, the prefix had just changed from 212 when it was land to 917 when it was my pager and then kept as my present day mobile number.